eighteen.

So I just turned 18.

I am an adult now. (wait, what?!) I don't feel like an adult, but how many people really do when they are this age? *please tell me I'm not alone, peoples* 
As a little kid, I always thought that eighteen would be a magical age when you get all the answers and figure out everything for your life. In fact, if you talked to me a year ago, you would know that I had big plans for this year. I definitely had a picture of what my senior year would look like, but God has a way of showing us that HIS plan is greater and usually much different than our own!

To be honest, this year was tough. For a while, it seemed like nothing could possibly go right again. I felt stuck. I felt alone. And I struggled a lot with fear. I was worried and stressed about things that were quite insignificant, really. There were so many things happening all at once and everything inside of me was screaming against it.

No, I didn't know that I was going to struggle with fear. I didn't anticipate losing a pet. I didn't want to find out about that "friend." I didn't know that I would reach a point where I didn't have any clue what was happening or why it was happening.

But it happened.

And it was necessary, because God used my struggles for good. He is using them for good.

Through my battle with fear, I have come to know the importance of vulnerability. When we tell a trusted friend about the things that hurt, the things that we dread, and the things we struggle with, we expose them. We bring them to the light, and the darkness is dispelled in the blinding truth of the Gospel. The hurt is healed by the love and grace of our Heavenly Father, and we no longer dread what is to come because we are never alone.

After all that happened this year, I found it difficult to feel excited about next year. However, I have realized how important it is to remember that God is still in control. Everything is working out for good. Even the hard things that brought me down are shaping me into who He wants me to be, and they are bringing me closer to Him. I am learning to let go of my fear and hand it to God. On my own, I can't handle it. I really can't. But through HIS strength, I can. And so can you.

You can live loved, because you are. You can live confidently, because you have victory in Him. No matter how inadequate you feel, no matter how small, unimportant, or awkward you think you are, just remember this: If you are a follower of Christ, your identity is found in HIM, not what you feel like, what you did, or what people think of you. You are chosen. You are loved. You are forgiven. And you can't ever change that.

No matter what your year looked like, you don't have to stay in a place of doubt. There is grace for every day, and every morning, you can start over. Start each day with renewed faith in God, with hope, joy, and excitement for the amazing plans he has for you. Trust me, He has AMAZING plans for you! Not only that, He gives you just the right amount of strength that you need to get through today, and He is not going to abandon you.

It is hard, but I am learning this every day. I am learning to let go. I am learning to replace the fear with faith, the doubt with trust, and the dread with hope. But most importantly, I am learning to give my frustrations and fears over to the only One who can truly handle them. Because that is the only way to truly find freedom. 

♥♥♥

Thank you for reading this rather rambling post..I haven't blogged in so long, and it felt SO good to get my thoughts written down, no matter how un-sorted they may be. :p

Much love! ♥